Lemme see here, its been maybe almost a year or so unless ive done about one or two posts, but i have alot to say, hell i could even write in here for an hour on what i have on my mind, there are tons of things, especially since i got me and jessica's Cd in the mix. Everything is the name of the song at the moment, and i guess first i should say things about us...

TO MY GIRL JESS --

First thing is first. I love her, i would give my life to her, and yet so much shit has happend between us. She knows almost everything about me and likewise to her. I want to get so far with her its kerazy. Lately there has been some little things occupying her mind, hopefully these words here can clear them up....Look girl, i love you, and you know that, there may be some things that i have ended up lieing about but you sooner or later learn about them or i tell you about them. But i would not go as far against you as talking to another girl behind your back, you have done some things to me but i want to leave it in the past. For me its no fun hangin out with my girl n shit if all she does is say how much it worries her that i might do shit, i mean like you have said i havent done anything that would or at least shouldnt make me lean that way, if there is please let me know. And i will let you know about everything that i do, thats no problem. but i just hope that soon you drop this thinking because its not gonna make me want to stay around. I just got done reading the not you gave me tonight about the chicken and what it said before it about brie. Yanno, its kinda funny, the only time that i had thought about Brie was after you brought her up, and it sucks to have my girl bring things up and have me think about things that i want to leave in the past. Brie was scared with what she had for me, and thats fine because that might have been the only way she knew how to handle it. I love you, but worrying about things will only make the relationship worse. Its having fun and chillin that makes the thing fun and worth while, plus all the suprises ;D. Im sorry but that thing you said about i might want you to dye your hair because it looked like brie....I really dislike how you said that. because i keep saying if i would think things like that i wouldnt even bother being with you, anyways your asain, i wouldnt even want to picture an azn brie >.<;;;;....Seriously though, if you even think the slightest that i would think that do not even do it, honestly that kinda killed it for me and thats when i realised that i only think about brie after you end up bringing her up. Im really sorry to if this sounds bad because of how the words are, im just writing it off of the top of my head since i dont want to forget anything. But you get what im saying, right girl?? I love you, and i know your scared of losing me, but if you keep worrying about shit like that you will end up losing me, and i dont want that to happen either. If you keep thinking those things, it will make it so that we cant have fun, you would be mad alot of the time or at your moms crying when i cant hold you so that you can feel secure in my arms...i mean you have no idea how much it saddens me that sometimes you have told me that you had cried, and yanno, if you would have told me that you were crying i would have been over ASAP, but you didnt and thats why i wasnt there to comfort you....because you didnt let me....and i wish that you would have...because it would have made us stronger....before i decide when that special day would be....you need to decide to let me in on that so that we have nothing to seperate us when we feel down or anything...It may almost be a year, but how fast has it gone by?? how hard would it be to go twice as long as we have gone already..?? would that really scare you so much as you say that it has...? honestly for me, im happy about it, and im in the same shoes as you...

TO ALL EVULANS/WICCANS  --

For now all i need to say is that Jess was right about a couple things, one night when we were going to sleep she told me that i whine too much and always put myself down about somethings, well, at least she took it that way, then i thought, i should just give up the energy and forget about it and have those doing it forget about me, because after all....to be forgotton is worse than death...

Till I update..

im tired of shit, im tired of people, and im tired of people talkin shit..

anyways.. nothin really has been up, im movin on with my life and with what i do, im about to buy my homiez accord, and then get a paper route, and get soem cash for mah pockets, they're gettin kinda lonely, unlike meh. i accept what has happend to me and ima juss do my own shyt, in several months im gonna have enough cash to open he club since i got a couple thousand in mah moms house, gonna put that into mah account and then pull that out when i rent out the building, the only problem is renting the building out.. its all good though, i believe that ill find the right place that will atract the best attention, but since the racing team has my back im not trippin or stressin about it, ima juss do what ima do..

..but still with the energy crap? what of it, its done alot for me, ive saved lives, ive protected people, including myself, and most of the time i have never gotton recognition for it, no thanks or great god how can i repay you.. they just run off, i mean its good that they are alive and that should be pay enough, but just once, would i like someone to acually come up to me and give me a thanks or whatnot, yanno.. ? i mean, like ive stated before.. no one can understand what ive gone through and noone will ever know and/or find out, its what i do and what ive done for the past 5 years, no one can possible understand what ive gone through because they havent been through with me at my side, so how can i even think of askin..?? what right do i have..? none what-so-ever, i try to quit and i try to put it aside so that i can care about someone, but im not sure if i can, i am stopping the stealing and the cop running and all the bad stuff thats possible for now, because i want to hear people out, they keep saying that i dont listen to anywon and i never listen to them, people say i do or would, but i dont think i ever understand what they say, or at least id take it the wrong way or in the wrong perspective.. im just scared that i dont think ima be able to change for them, they even said that i dont listen to them, but i try so damn hard, and i want to because we would probably be able to grow closer if i did.. but how can i? ive only been able to do what is right to ME and no one else, so how can i change, how and where will i be able to? what do i have to do in order to be the way that they want me to be?? god why..? i find myself asking "why cant i.. why cant i change..??" sometimes when im walking or driving when im either coming or going from anywhere or a certain song comes on, i mean, i dont have any reason to either hide or keep myself the same, when i look back to everything that has happend to me nothing leads up to as great a find that it was with this, no matter what, everything in this world that has happend around me and with me hasnt came close to how big we were, or how i wanted and wished it could be with them, he already knows this though, that i am willing to fight for them and do anything to get that attention.. but whatever they think i dont believe thats true sometimes, and the thing with brei pissed me off as well,,"oh, im falling in love with you too fast, i need to cheat on you so that we can break up because im scared..." or at least that is what her actions say...i never understood why she even said she loved me if she did that.. i mean she wanted to split up with me and did because she was getting feelings quickly for me and deeply so quickly, but it scared her so she got out of it the quickest way possible, i admit it wasnt a good one, but she did it none-the-less. but i dont blame her for leaving me, she might be guilty about it.. but who am i to even give a fuck...Right?? but still, it wasnt her fault for feeling that scared because she couldnt control it, it just happend, feelings grow on their own, is it to be so blamed for to follow ones feelings and instincts?  i support those actions because they are of natural human instinct and feelings, so they are mostly urged on by ones personal and past experiences.  sometimes i dont think people understand me though, ive fought for years, seen things people would be scared of, almost died, felt what heaven is like, had to fight a best friend because of what i tought him, turned him into a more bad person because of normal human urges of power... no one understands what those things and being alone most of your life is like..

..like ive been tryin to say though.. with me, its hard to change, when you have one mind set, and done things for 5 years straight, you tend to forget sometimes what people think, feel, see, what kind of personalities people have, and how hard it is to change from one thing to another.. it takes time.. i cared for brie and she fucked it up, and thats pretty much it...the end. For anyone though, is being with me is the best decision..? how can i make someone see that being with me is something they will never be able to have with anyone else? how can i get those feelings some will be scared to have and make them understand that its alright for those feelings to be there..?

for once i get the chance to finally be happy.. or at least have a try at it right, a Friend of someone who has a goetic soul in them, Vicious (Ryan) and then one that both 2-1 and the Evulan initiative call me, Dragons (Me). Guess me and you can continue training for whats to come right bro...? heh...i feel i have control over the situation, and im tired of looking around, i want this to be something special, and when i get that chance, its the other person who is unsafe feeling or unsecure or scared of what they are feeling.. but its really alright that they feel what they are feeling, there is nothing wrong with it, or is it just that.. just that..they dont want the actual relationship..??..........................

man...i havent posted in a WHILE and about a half....buahahaha, anywho.. but yeah, ive been really busy, workin on my moms taurus which in a while im gonna inheirite from her, and been busy with trying to get my life back on track.  ive gone through alot of energy chances and things are coming back from before.. so i believe alot of fights are about to arrive and every once and a while me and ryan have to train with swords.. man, so much drama.. PLUS im thinking that maybe i will be getting back with brieanna, dont totally know though, might not be worth my time... (yep, you guessed it.. we broke up about a week n a half after gettin together..) ..  sucks, but yeah, im taking the camera to the store to get the shots developed in a couple hours to the store, and then in about three days ill put them up on the sight, well, a few of them anyway, cuz they are TYTE.. buahahahh, im the only one in washington with the SHO kit for the 95 taurus and probably the only one who has a P.I.M.P.E.D out taurus in Washington or the US, its SO SICK.. anyway, but yeah..

recently ive been putting the spiritual stuff n energy stuff.. but i cant stop now, im way too far into it, and my friend russ made me realise that.. life is something we take granted, that i have learned over the past years.. and now that im 18 i realise that ive spent way too much tyme wasting my life.. however old one is they should take it moment by moment, and go on that, not trying to plan ahead, or try to waste time to do something.. when you look back upon it.. you feel that your whole life is a waste, or alot of it has been wasted and nothing will be able to change that even if you forget it for a certain amount of time.. im so alone and i dont give a fuck about that.. thats what ive learned over the past while, i could give a bit less thought to what would happen to those about me.. but yanno what.. i have to care about them a bit, because everyone i look at can be involved, its that simple.. people like me, even love me, but i cant love them back.. because maybe most of the time its not my taste.. whatever.. fuck it.. im a loner, and i will admit.  its hard for me to blend in from time to time with humans.. it even discusts me.. sometimes i wish i would kill myself, juss to get ride of them. however i know i cannot, i have to live to some expectation that someone or something is looking upon this body.. i look at people and see the reflection i give out upon them.. and sometimes its amazing to know what has been done in the vicinity of the area givin that i am living around.. but sometimes i just feel stupid.  heh.. im a law breaker, a wreck, a kid, and both a warrior.. but that classifies not of what or who i am.. but whats been done to me and the outcomes of time.. i used to care what people thought. but since i seem to be not able to be with another individual for more then a small while fuck it.. im gonna do what i do and be who i am.. street king of team street created illness.. an upcoming owner of a club.. and an old ancestrial protectariote that had been fighting for years and staying in one spot protecting something with his life merged with a new kind of outlaw from the streets of from where no one can come from.. because no one knows what i have been through and i have always asked of the wrong things.. from here on.. i fight for myself, and myself only..